DISPUTING OVER CARE OF ELDERLY PARENTS 

 

We live in an aging society and it’s common for adult siblings to disagree on how best to provide for the care of their elderly mother and/or father.  Should the elderly parent be allowed to live at home if that’s their preference, or should he/she be moved into a care facility against their will?

 Adult siblings often have different opinions. One wants to honor the parent’s wish to live at home, the other one wants to move the parent(s) to a care facility where he/she/they will be safe and well supervised.

The Columbia Basin Dispute Resolution Center helps adult siblings work through their differences when deciding what’s best for their parent(s).  Our trained mediators can guide persons through the conflict they’re experiencing to the point where they find common ground on which they can reach a mutually satisfying agreement.

For more information call us at 509-760-0706.  You’ll be glad you did.

Conflict In Our Lives

When you look at the definition of the word ‘conflict’, you see that it can be used as either a verb or a noun.  The definition of the word, when used as a verb, is defined as “to come into collision or disagreement; be contradictory, at variance, or in opposition; clash; to fight or contend; do battle.  In considering this definition, it would seem that people are in various degrees of conflict 70% of the time.  With all the conflict and controversy that is going on in the world today, it is great knowledge to know that because this conflict is an action word, we can change the outcome.

One can’t listen to or read the news today without recognizing various segments of society being in contention with one another.  We talk about tolerance and acceptance bet we define those as “Just agree with me because I am not going to see your side” or “I am smarter than you and I know what is best for you so do it my way”.  We are eliminating the person that thinks for themselves of makes their own decisions.  Our society is acting like a bunch of elitists who think that other’s opinions are inferior and so we are not supposed to listen to them and make up our own minds.  We are expected to let someone else do our thinking for us and just sit back and let things happen to us.

Conflict is a verb and therefore it is an action.  As an action, we can choose to do something about conflict.  When each of us were born, most were given the ability to talk.  If not, we have learned to communicate in other ways to get things that we want and need.  With that ability to communicate, each of us has a way to work at our conflicts.  Here at the Columbia Basin Dispute Resolution Center, we have found that Mediation is that ability to work out our conflicts through talking to each other.  Yes, there are road blocks that get in the way but they can be worked around.  What the world needs today is to start listening to the other side.  To stop yelling out their side and see that the other side of the conflict has some good points as well.  When we listen and work together we can come up with solutions.  They may not be what we originally thought they would be, but they will be a compromise or blending of ideas where both sides give up something for the good of all.  The key is to listen with an open mind and do what is best for all concerned.

Our society was built on the concept that everyone’s voice mattered and we should all be listened to.  It was then our responsibility to find a way to do what was best for all without imposing our will on others. Remember this the next time you find yourself in conflict so you can listen and find the ability to solve conflicts.  

Workplace Conflict and Mediation

By: Ron Moen

 

We hear again and again about former employees returning to their workplace and shooting to death former co-workers.  When unresolved grievances and hurt feelings take over and fester in people’s thoughts and emotions, the results, too often, can be violence and death.

Conflicts in the workplace can be solved before the escalate to this point.  The Columbia Basin Dispute Resolution Center helps people resolve their workplace conflicts.  We arrange for co-workers or supervisors and employees who aren’t getting along to sit down with two trained mediators who guide people in conflict through a safe, carefully designed process of negotiation.  As they move through this process the people in conflict are encouraged to listen to the other person’s concerns and feelings and to be open to new ways of looking at their situation. 

In addition to providing personal mediation services to often angry, stressed-out people in conflict, the Columbia Basin Dispute Resolution Center offers communication skill workshops for workplace Management and Staff.  In these workshops, you can learn basic communication skills such as active listening, tone and manner of speech, the importance of clarity, affirmation and respect in human interactions, etc.

Please call the Columbia Basin Dispute Resolution Center at 1-509-760-0706 if we can help you learn how to manage conflict or resolve a conflict in your life.   

DIFFICULT   CONVERSATIONS

 

 

“Real, intense, and transformational conversation: have you experienced it? These are

the dialogues that we do not want to have because of fear and anger and the dialogues

that we need to have because of fear and anger. Those two emotions work together to

create walls between us.”

 

“We are in a time when conversation is not only difficult but also scary: the stakes seem

higher. We feel that we have something to lose and that conversation is a space where

we are vulnerable to that loss. At the same time, many of are steaming! We want to

“win” our conversations. Suddenly, each moment becomes a win-lose debate and the

emotions that got us there are never shared.”

 

“Here are my suggestions as you start difficult conversations:

 

1.   Practice listening and asking questions without inserting your own personal

      opinion.

 

2.   Give the person you disagree with the space to share and feel heard, before

      you share your own opinion.

 

3.   Share honestly. Do not undermine your own passion as a participant in

      the conversation.

 

4.   Use a facilitator: someone who is trained in taking a neutral position.

      Facilitators know how to ask the difficult questions, help you all listen, and

      navigate conflicts.”

 

 

(Excerpts from  non-copyrighted “Fear and Anger Unearthed through Dialogue” by Carly Cubit, 

dialogue facilitator and trainer.)

Restorative Practices

Restorative Practice:

The CBDRC is embarking on an exciting program introducing Restorative Practices into the Moses Lake School District.  This is a partnership with the Moses Lake School District to find new and better ways to handle discipline in the school district.  We at the CBDRC are excited to help out our community by helping to reduce the amount of truancy, students on suspension and break the school to juvenile justice system trend.  Students that have had multiple suspensions during their school career 70% of the time wind up in the juvenile justice system. 

The Moses Lake School District is a futuristic looking school district with the well being of their students at heart.  They are looking for ways to improve the experience of students in their system.  The residents in this community should be proud of the school district and the quality of education the students are receiving. 

What the CBDRC and the School District need at this time is the support of the community in helping to reach out to the students.  With Restorative Practice we will be looking to help the students that commit harm to others to accept their responsibilities for that harm.  For the victims of that harm to have a voice in dealing with the incident.  Most of all it will allow both the person that created the harm and the victim to come up with a permanent solution to the conflict.  When people are involved in a solution they are more likely to follow through and honor that agreement. 

It is an exciting time that we are in with many opportunities to make a better world.  Please join with us in doing all we can to make Moses Lake a better place to live.  Please contact us at the CBDRC if you would like to be a part of this project. 

Thank you,
Clint Opheikens
CBDRC   

You to can be of service:

Our country is currently electing public officials to look after the common good.

It isn’t only people in elected office, however, who provide important public service. Every town is blessed with persons who serve their community by volunteering to provide transportation to a doctor’s office, tutor a student, work in a food bank, serve on non-profit Board of Directors, coach a soccer team, raise money for an animal shelter, the list goes on and on.   

As a member of the Board of Directors of the Columbia Basin Dispute Resolution Center, I invite you to learn about the opportunities our non-profit, community service organization offers you to contribute to the health of our community. 

We provide MEDIATION services for divorcing couples who don’t agree on a parenting plan, neighbors upset with each other, co-workers not getting along in the workplace, adult children disagreeing on elder care for their parent, etc.  One of our most important community services is training school personnel to help students deal responsibly with their hurtful conflicts. One of the most important community services we offer is called “Restorative Justice”, training school personnel to help students confront and resolve conflict in their relationships.

If you believe our training and mediation services contribute to the health and wellbeing of our community, please contact us to learn how you, as a volunteer, can become part of our work. Call us at: 509-760-0706 and watch at www.cbdrc.org

Leo Haemmelmann, President,

Board of Directors, Columbia Basis Dispute Resolution Center